Disappointed

Last night I went out with the gang from work (again) and got blitzed (again). For whatever reason, I have (over the last month or two) gone out several times with the guys from work and gotten really waster - too much alcohol. WAY too much alcohol. On one occasion this may have contributed to a seizure, I don't know. I don't really want to speculate. But I do want to nip this in the bud. It is not fair to myself or my doctors who are working hard to find a balance of medications that will bring the epilepsy under control ("don't mix with alcohol" on the label, and my doctor's concerns that I really shouldn't be drinking on this medication in general). But most of all, it is not fair to Mary. She doesn't deserve to have a drunken idiot coming home reeking of alcohol, worried that she might again be woken up in the middle of the night to my seizing. If I can't do this for myself, I damn well better do it for her. I love her more than anything, and I would do anything for her. I will do this for her.