Medco sucks

FINALLY got an email that my medication had shipped... This was the NEW (ok, old - the Mysoline I took as a kid) medication that I am starting on while I wean off of the Depakote which has been turning me into Porky Pig.
If it arrives tommorrow (knock on wood), then I will get about a week on it before my parents arrive. That would be nice!

head spins and dizzy spells

I had my worst dizzy spell and head spin in a long, long time this morning. It started around 7:20am, which was about 1/2 hr. after I took my morning dosage. Walking down the stairs (we live on a 5th floor walk-up) was a little bit of a challenge, but not too bad since I know exactly how many stairs we have and have handrails. I made it down the street, on the subway, down to Starbucks, and up to my office (though granted much slower than usual). I'm still in half an hour before most everyone else. But I hate feeling like ass in the morning like this.
Hopefully it will pass soon.

I hate dizzy spells

Yep... yesterday and today, I had them... Still kind of having them this morning...

Doctor's Appt.

Went and saw the Dr. yesterday. He noticed the shakes and the weight gain, and we are going to have me go off of Depakote. While I have been on virtually every single medication known to epileptics, we are now going to try putting me back on Barbiturates (Primidone nee Mysoline), which as a child seemed to work well. It will be a long process to wean me onto the drug, but hopefully it will help.
Had another good workout last night with Victor and Mary and between yesterday's training session and Sunday's workout, as well as last week's workouts, I feel like I am getting into a better groove with respect to working out.
ttfn,
Greg

head spins, anxiety, and an increase in the Shakes

On the way to work today, I was feeling anxious. At work, I am feeling flushed and have a slight case of the head spins. I don't know if this is due to anything in particular, or if there is a medical reason behind all of this.
However, I am also feeling that the shakes are becoming more pronounced and noticable (at least to me). I will be typing and do double and triple strokes. I will hold something and a moment later twitch and feel as though I am about to drop it. I will feel as though my hands in general are weaker and I try and squeeze them shut to assure myself that they are as strong as they have been before. Typing on the phone I make a lot more errors than I have before (as I do on the keyboard).
6 more days to the doctor and we'll talk.
BTW - hit the gym last night. DAMN am I tight in my leg muscles... Ugh... 20 minutes with the foam roller every day is going to be a necessity...

Monday Morning Depression

I have not woken up this depressed in a long, long time. The simple explanation for Mary was that I was unable to get out of bed at 5am to go to the gym with her - something I desperately need to do more. Granted, I had slept fitfully last night with very strange and disconcerting dreams, but still...
My weight is starting to depress me more and more. I try and eat less, eat better, but I can't lose eve a pound. I have BALLOONED to over 210, where but a couple of months ago I was 190. Another pair of pants this morning proved useless as I couldn't even button them closed. I hate this - I want to blame Depakote for this gain in weight, and while I am sure that it has comething to do with it, I also have to thank Depakote for what seems to be the most stable I have been in a long time as far as seizure control in concerned.
Do I want to be a little porky piglet with no seizures or someone with the occassional episode who has his weight more under control. Can't I have both?
I meet with my doctor a week from today, and perhaps he will have a solution, but damn it I am depressed this morning.
There are 138 days left til Mary and I get married. I love her SO much, and she looks amazing right now. She deserves a groom walking down the isle as fit as she is - not someone who can't fit into the clothes they've been wearing for 10 years by a good two inches.
As Mary will sometimes say to me, I will try to "Snap out of it." But as I said, I haven't been this depressed in a long time.

What do I say?

I am having another appointment with the Dr. in a couple of weeks. Do I ask him for a reduction in my dosage of Depakote because the weight gain is disturbing me? Do I suck it up and try and go above and beyond at the gym and diet to compensate?
How much does or can my diet affect the frequency of my seizures?
I don't like the fact that this frickety-frack-#$%(&#%* disorder is not yet capable of being dealt with as well as we all would hope, but... nothing to be done, I suppose.
I just want to have what appears to be a relatively well controlled cocktail of drugs that DON'T make me a fat blob of porky-pigness.
Ugh.

side effects

So I am dealing with two sets of side effects, now.
One is the old side effect of head-spins and queasiness in the morning. Lasts for about 10-15 minutes and is then gone. In the grand scheme of things, this is minor and totally unimportant. If I live with this for the rest of my life on occassional mornings but have no seizures, FINE! I would be THRILLED!
That side effect is likely from the Trileptal, as it seems to have been in the past.
The other side effect is the weight gain. I'm over 210 now, whereas I was in the low 190s a couple of months ago. I know that blaming the medicine is the easy way out. I could have been and should have been exercising more and eating better, having know going in that this was a side effect.
Nonetheless, I've gained nearly 20 pounds and am SOOO frustrated. I am seeing the Dr. in about 2 weeks and perhaps something can be done. Having controled the seizures relatively well, however, I don't think he will (nor will I in the end) want to change the dosages and go fiddling around just so I can lose weight more easily.
Time for better exercise routines (including going to the gym MORE OFTEN) and perhaps eating better and eating less - what a concept. But damn it that last part is just so hard to do... My diet didn't change the entire time I gained these ~20 pounds, which makes me want to blame the medication more and more, and having something to blame makes it all so much easier to deal with...
*sigh*