again???

My head is swimming a bit this morning... Not sure if the side-effects have returned or not, but needless to say it doesn't make me happy. Fortunately they are not for an extended period of time, but none-the-less, I don't like spending the first part of my morning at work trying to focus on the computer and not concentrate on my head doing a swirly.

the blahs

Last night I curled up on the couch with Mary and was hit with a case of the blahs. Part of me is wondering if it was because I had experienced a mild seizelet the night before (the type where my face twitches, not a grand-mal or tonic colonic). I spent Sunday morning with a sore face (spare me the jokes of "does your face hurt? cuz it's killin me!"), took some Advil, and after a while, was physically ok. But am I mentally? I still wonder sometimes how my epilepsy will affect those around me as I get older - Mary, my parents, my children (or child) to be...
I don't know if this is what was giving me the blahs or not. Mary said they came on while we were watching Pretty Woman. huh...
This morning (A day and a half later) I had mild dizzy spells for a couple of minutes.
The twitching is also becoming more noticeable and (I think?) more frequent, but the twitching is not so severe as to diminish my capacity for doing anything. It is the sort of thing, for example, where my fingers will be "waiting" over the keyboard for me to formulate my thoughts, when suddenly they will "twitch out" and strike a couple of keys randomly. Or I will be holding a cup, and I will have a brief twitch where, while I don't really think I will throw the cup somewhere then, the though of what will happen in the future scares me. Sometimes I look at my hands stretched out in front of me when I feel this way and I see ever so slight trembles. Trembles, Blahs, Dizzy spells? Or no Seizures? I don't know.
This seems to be the common dilemna faced by most anyone with brain issues - what is the balances between side effects and control?

New article on Epilepsy

So I found this article on CNN not long ago:
http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/04/13/depression.drugs.suicide.risk/index.html?hpt=T2
It made me think, as not only have I tried the majority of those meds, but I am on 2 of the 5 meds which reputedly have a higher risk of suicide. Yay (notice the dripping sarcasm?). Now I don't find myself dealing with suicidal thoughts. Indeed, most of the time I find myself to be quite happy. I have a wonderful network of friends and family, and am getting married to the most amazing woman in the world (sorry single guys on the prowl, out there - you lost out!).

But I can't help wonder when I read articles like this... How much of what we read in articles such as this, or hear from our doctors and read on medicine bottles (such as side-effect warnings) become self-fulfilling prophecies? Do people kill themselves because they think that something is bad and they must be part of the rare % of population taking the medication who is destined to kill themselves? And what about weight gain?
I have been on Depakote for a couple of months now. I'm fatter by about 15 pounds. I am trying to be more active at the gym (I was before, but not as consistently) and eat better (my diet before was terrible), but I am not seeing anything improve. Is my metabolism with Depakote affected? Does Depakote infuse Pig DNA into my system?
Or would I not have gained weight if I hadn't been worried about it to begin with? If I can get my fat-ass back down into the 180s, I'll know for sure.