I follow posts on LinkedIn and other blogs, and now and again I go back and re-read what I posted however long ago. Today I was reading about my thoughts that at some point in the not-to-distant past, I thought that the possibility of my having serious discussions and investigations into possible surgical treatments was far realer than perhaps it was (or even is now).
The idea of brain surgery scares the ever-loving crap out of me (as if someone out there actually says "Gee, I'd like to go have my skull sawed open and surgical instruments stuck in my brain!"). But I do think now and again about what the future holds for me with respect to my epilepsy.
I am fortunate enough to be marrying the most amazing, incredible, wonderful, beautiful, sexy (ok, I'm losing my pg rating here) woman in the world in 37 days. I have thoughts about what my life will hold with epilepsy:
Having children.
Growing old together.
Right now I am on a combination of barbiturates and Trileptal. I feel tired now and again, which is an understandable side-effect of the barbiturates, but if it keeps me seizure free, I'll take lethargy over brain surgery any day of the week and twice on Sunday. But the fear of "what if I don't find a good balance of medication" still looms over me. What if my doctor says to me "Greg, we need to consider surgical options." What if.
Scary.
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